


Time and What Becomes of It

by mmmdraco



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Community: blind_go, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-17
Updated: 2012-07-17
Packaged: 2017-11-10 04:14:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/462094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmmdraco/pseuds/mmmdraco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of Hikaru no Go as Touya has seen it. (Blind Go entry - round #3)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time and What Becomes of It

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, I mean no harm, I have no money... Stuff like that. Yeah.

"Akira, you've done a very good job of learning how to hold your stones. You look just like your father." 

Kouyo looked to his wife's smiling face and then to his son's which was frozen in concentration. "The spark in his eyes is far brighter than mine is now." 

"Then you must play against yourself sometime while looking in a mirror to properly see your opponent. There is a fervor there; a passion; that young Akira has only just begun to learn that you have all but perfected." 

"There is no perfection in go. There is only the journey toward perfection."

"Perhaps. Or perhaps you only say so because this Hand of God you sometimes speak of is so well hidden that you do not feel you will ever find it. If that why you are training your son so well; so that he may continue searching when you no longer can?" 

"Akiko... he is our son."

"That he has my features, I won't deny. But that he is mine? Mine to love, yes. But he is yours so much more because he shares your very existence, or that which keeps you existing." 

"You've had no small part in that either."

She smiled warmly and tilted her head slightly to one side. "That, dear, is the sweetest thing you've said to me since you compared my complexion to an alabaster go stone. I'll go make some tea." 

Akira dug his fingers into his go ke and wiggled them around to feel the cool stones slide along his flesh. "Father, are you and mother in love?" 

Kouyo's eyes widened. "What makes you ask that?"

"Because I want a brother, and Ogata-san told me that I couldn't have one unless my father and mother were in love enough because babies happen when two people love each other a whole lot." 

Making a mental note to speak with Ogata about just what kind of conversations he held with other people's four year-olds, Kouyo grabbed a stone of his own. "Ogata-san only says that because no one loves him." 

"But Ogata-san says that a lot of girls love him and that's why he's always broken."

"Broken?"

"Why he had to borrow my lunch money to buy food for his goldfishes."

Kouyo made a point to finish up his conversation with Akira quickly so he could go pay a visit to one of the younger members of the study group he'd started. He left as Akiko came into the room with tea. 

Grabbing his own cup carefully because he had burned himself before, Akira looked at his mother carefully. "Mother, Father said I can have a brother if it's okay with you." 

Picking up her own cup, Akiko laughed throatily. "You can't have one, Akira."

"Why not?" Akira's eyes were wide in the same way they got when he was told he couldn't have more than a few sticks of dango for a snack. 

"Because we only have three tea cups. Since I drink tea, and you drink tea, and your father drinks tea, all of our cups are used up." 

Akira seemed to think about this for a moment while he slurped at his tea. "Then I'll become a go pro like father. Then, I can make enough money to buy more tea cups!" He smiled brightly at his idea only to let his mother see the gap in his front teeth. 

"Akira! When did you lose a tooth?"

Shrugging, Akira took another sip of his tea. "It fell in the cup."

Akiko instinctively reached for the mug to keep him from accidentally drinking his tooth down, but she knocked it from Akira's grasp where it shattered on the floor. 

Akira's lower lip trembled. "Does that mean I don't get to drink any more of Mother's tea?"

"Oh, it's all right, Akira. We can buy more cups."

"Then can you get one for my brother?"

Already reaching for a towel to clean up with, Akiko signed. "We only have three futons, too, darling. Maybe one day we can get another, but not until you're a little older, at least." 

Akira nodded and grabbed for his father's tea cup because he loved the tea his mother made.

* * * * *

By the age of eleven, Akira has forgotten all about a brother, but he'd remembered wanting to become a go pro. It came from seeing his father's grim look of satisfaction after a difficult match and from the feelings he got from his own games. The age of eleven and people were calling him sensei and telling him he was good enough now to be a pro. It was a lot to think about, but he thought he was ready. He couldn't beat his father in an even game yet, but he could beat everyone else in his study group at least one out of every five games. And they were all at the top of the league whereas he'd have time to get better while playing official matches. The idea was much more exciting than his classmates' dreams of becoming things they couldn't excel at now in the slightest like surgeons and racers. 

Then came a day that was going to change his entire view of the world: the day Hikaru came into his life. It was a Sunday afternoon. When Hikaru sat down in front of him, Akira smiled. The other boy smelled vaguely like orange juice, as though he'd spilled some on himself recently, as Akira couldn't imagine it being the scent of a cologne. It was an easy sort of camaraderie they immediately fell into which surprised Akira, as he had a tendency to be shy around others his own age. But, Hikaru had entered his domain, after all. Perhaps he could teach the boy something, and they could be friends and play go. 

And they the playing had begun. At first, Akira saw only the slow moves and the unusual way of placing the stones. Then, he saw the power. This was no boy to teach. This was skill much like his father's that was testing him and not believing in him. The idea was preposterous, but Akira was losing to someone his own age. The other boy who couldn't even properly hold a stone had taken the game and, with it, his confidence. What did it matter that he could beat Ogata who had been a pro for years now? This boy was no pro and had sliced through his game entirely. If this boy became a pro, would Akira be able to take the steps he thought were so easy to get to his father's place close to the Hand of God? Or would he stumble because he could only see the light and not the path that led there? 

Sitting in a chair and looking at this game that he'd lost, and so overwhelmingly, Akira felt his eyes water and his determination waver. Had he been wrong about everything? 

* * * * *

Then came the day of the second match against Hikaru. He'd found the other boy in the street and after hearing him laugh and joke about taking all of the titles that Akira had watched men waste away trying for, he knew he had to find a strength in himself to beat the other boy. He felt that need more powerfully than any other he could remember. He grabbed hold of Hikaru's arm and dragged him onto the subway and then into his father's go salon. 

That game was even more disastrous.

Akira didn't even notice when Hikaru left. There was only the game and the fact that he'd lost. Miserably.

* * * * *

Akira overheard his parents talking in the kitchen. He'd been on the way in to get a cup of juice, but stopped at the sound of his father's voice. Touya Kouyo was not the type of man who frequented kitchens. He began to walk away back toward the go room, but heard his name and couldn't help but listen in. 

"I met the boy who beat Akira a few days ago."

There was the sound of running water, and his mother's voice. "Is he very good?"

"I played a few hands with him and he was impressive, but he ran off after placing a stone I couldn't find the significance of... I've wondered since then what that game would have been like if we'd finished it. I've been tempted to ask Akira to play out his games against the boy for me, but I believe he's still hurting from the loss." 

"He was so confident," Akiko said. Touya could hear the water again and the clack of dishes. Was his father drying them? "Perhaps he needed this?" 

"I can only hope he realizes that no matter how strong he is, or how close he gets to the Hand of God, he will always have opponents who push him further toward greatness, and that is the greatest thing about this game. If this boy is truly a challenge, he will raise the level of go for an entire generation." 

Touya pulled himself away and walked up the stairs to his room. If was early yet, but he went ahead and pulled out his futon and sat down on it and pulled his knees up to his chin, holding them tightly with trembling arms. This boy, Hikaru, was he going to help Akira? Was losing going to make him a better player? The light he could see shining at the end of the path to the Hand of God seemed suddenly brighter than ever. 

* * * * *

His parents had given him the choice of going to middle school or becoming a go pro right away. The look on his parents face when he made the decision to go to Kaio was interesting, to say the least. His mother's eyes watered and she grasped her hands together, and his father nodded solemnly and looked conflicted. Kaio was a strong school for go, but Akira had no intentions of playing there. It was more of a nod to his father to attend the same school he had in his own childhood. He would enjoy playing go all of the time, but ambition without knowledge was useless. 

He'd made an appointment to speak with the headmaster of the school at the headmaster's request. The day before, he stopped by the go salon to play a game and help settle his nerves. There was always nervousness with change, but it could be calmed. Ogata was there and told him about his father's game with Hikaru, but Akira pretended not to know already because Ogata was a notorious gossip. But now it was something he could discuss with his father if he ever felt the need because Ogata had told him. 

The next day, Akira spent ten minutes deciding whether or not to wear his primary school uniform. At his mother's call about breakfast, Akira decided against the uniform. It wasn't, after all, a school day, and he was leaving that school behind for Kaio. 

Akira chatted with the headmaster as candidly as he felt he could about his father and go. They didn't speak much of school at all. As Akira was about the leave, the headmaster asked him to look in on the go tournament happening that day. Akira felt like going home, in truth, but decided that the best way to set a good impression with this man who seemed to care more about go than education was to take his suggestion. 

And he was glad he did.

There, across the room he looked into, was a familiar shock of blond hair clashing with black and hanging low over a boy's forehead. He vaguely recognized a red-haired boy from a go class long ago, but found his focus drawn to the board in front of Hikaru. The boy shouldn't even be there. He was too young, or so he'd told Akira. He'd said he was in the sixth grade, just like Akira. 

Akira stood back and watched the game. It was good, but he would have made it better. He didn't feel that was conceit. It was fact as much as it was fact that go stones were black or white. In go, perhaps everything was. 

A boy recognized Hikaru after the game was over and the win was overturned. Hikaru's face fell and he turned to head toward the door and Akira knew he had been spotted. "That was a beautiful game," he said. 

Hikaru didn't respond, although the red-haired boy agreed. Akira continued. "I'm jealous. Why couldn't I have been your opponent?" 

The red-haired boy took his leave with a few words into Hikaru's ear and left them standing there and looking at each other. "Shindou," Akira said with his determination burgeoning, "I now know that I must beat you to attain the Hand of God. That's why I won't run away from you any longer." 

Hikaru smiled, but walked away without saying anything. Akira took it as a good sign.

* * * * *

When Akira started wearing the Kaio uniform that had been delivered not long ago, he made a decision to seek out another game with Hikaru. He had an idea the boy must be attending Haze, the school he'd been playing for in the tournament, and went one day with the intention of tracking him down. It was incredibly difficult to find the go club, whereas Kaio's was perhaps the largest non-sports club at the school. Haze's club met in a science classroom and only a few people seemed to have any idea it existed. 

And then he found it, and Hikaru. And the ensuing conversation nearly killed him. Hikaru was refusing to play him. Was he that bad? He even closed the window of the room to prevent him from asking questions. He could always try to go inside and find the room that way, but a choice had been made. The only thing he could do now was to force Hikaru's hand in the only way he knew. 

He joined Kaio's go club.

If Hikaru had intentions of entering a tournament, then Akira would enter as well. He was better than the other members of the Kaio go club, anyway, so they would let him play where he needed to which would be the first spot against Shindou Hikaru. He could tell as soon as he entered that he wasn't going to enjoy the time until the tournament, but sometimes? Sacrifices had to be made. 

* * * * *

There was a harder time to be had in the club than he thought. Between blind go against a trio of boys while cleaning and bring told that regardless of Hikaru, he was going to play first board as captain... it had come down to promising to quit after the tournament to have the same third board slot that Hikaru did. 

When the tournament day arrived, Akira walked into the room at just the right time to hear Hikaru ask who his Kaio opponent was to be. Akira stepped forward and announced himself, and that was about the best thing that happened that day. 

The Hikaru who played him that day was not the same one who'd played him months before. He had somehow become a boy who knew how to hold stones, but not how to place them. Did he have some kind of selective amnesia from something? This was not the Hikaru he was chasing! 

That day was an unhealing wound in his consciousness. He couldn't help but touch on it to see if there was somehow something else he could do. Had he somehow gotten that much better than Hikaru without realizing it? No. Or else he'd be beating his father, even though his father had just recently conquered the 10-dan title. 

* * * * *

After that game with Hikaru, Akira made the decision to take the pro exam. If he didn't make it, he didn't make it, but there was no point holding back on the off chance that he might lose when he was certain he could and would win. If Hikaru wanted to, he could chase after him for once. 

And then there was sai. 

He heard about sai for the first time at an amateur go tournament that he visited with Ogata. He had played a little bit of Internet go prior to that event, but everyone at the tournament was talking about it, and they were all saying the same thing: "Who is sai?" 

When Akira got online and found sai there... and then was challenged... and found himself facing a set of moves he recognized... but it couldn't be Hikaru. But he wanted to know; had to know. So he asked to reschedule. sai chose the following Sunday and Akira agreed as quickly as his fingers could move to type the words, even knowing that was the first day of the pro exam. He didn't need that one win to win all of the others. As long as he won every other game, he would become a pro, and he knew he could do it. But this... this sai... that was a question he needed to answer first. 

* * * * *

When that Sunday came, Akira had something to eat and made a pot of tea and made sure that all of his chores were done in the morning so that he would have no interruptions. He asked his mother to tell any callers that he was out, but anyone who knew him should know he was playing sai, or at least assume he was at the exam. And then it was time to play. 

And the game made his heart swell with confusion. He kept seeing glimpses of Hikaru in the framework of the game, but everything had evolved. The overlay of Shuusaku was there, too, but that, too, was somehow pure Hikaru. And when he resigned, Hikaru's face was firmly in his mind. 

* * * * *

The next day, Akira went by his father's go salon for a game or two while his father visited a friend. Ichikawa was the first one to ask him how his first pro match went, and was the first one he had to smile at guiltily while relaying the news that, in fact, he hadn't gone. There had been a big scene about it, though Akira hadn't really understood. Everyone there claimed to have such faith in him. Couldn't they have enough to believe that he could miss one day and still pass with the highest record? 

Hirose, the man who had called him sensei for years and had always made him extremely uncomfortable about it, came in afterward and made a comment that made Akira's eyes widen. Hikaru was at an Internet cafe? Before he really knew it, he was getting directions and plotting a course in his head like reading ahead on moves in a game. He tapped his fingers against crossed arms on the train; willing it to somehow go faster, even though it was already a shinkansen. Then his feet were racing as his mind was, trying to think of what to say if he was sai and what to say if he wasn't and what to say if he really couldn't tell... And there was Hikaru with his back to the giant windows in the front of the shop. Before he knew it, his hand was on Hikaru's shoulder and practically pulling him out of the chair. A pretty red-haired girl nearby was trying to regain the balance of the tray in her hands that Akira had nearly knocked over. And then Akira looked at the screen. The Shonen Jump homepage? Hikaru stood up and made Akira's excuses for him and pulled him outside. 

"Why do you always suddenly appear in front of me? What do you want?"

Akira took deep breaths and widened his stance a little. "Do you ever play Internet go?"

Too quickly, Hikaru shook his head. "Nope." But he didn't question it.

"So you know about it?" The answer had to be here somewhere.

"I watched someone play once - when I went with Tsutsui to watch some pros." Hikaru paced as he talked. It was a common nervous habit of a lot of people, Akira had noticed. What did Hikaru have to be nervous about? 

"There's an incredibly strong played named sai on the Internet. I played him yesterday."

"Sai? Like rhinoceros?" Was the confused look honest, or a front like the innocence and naïveté of that first game?

"Everyone on the 'Net is in a frenzy to discover sai's identity."

"Huh? Sai's identity?" There was sweat on Hikaru's forehead and his fingers were trembling slightly. "Ha... Haha! And you thought it was me? Well, of course you'd think that, since I've beaten you before." 

And then Akira remembered the last time he saw Hikaru. "When I played you in the tournament, you were a joke."

"That's because I played poorly on purpose!"

And that was the last straw. "No way! There's no reason for that! If you had sai's ability, you would become a pro and win some titles, just like you said after I met you!" 

"Thanks for saying what I wanted to say." Hikaru smiled now and his features no longer held any tension.

Akira shook his head. He'd been wrong about this. "I thought so." He let out a short sigh. "It's not you." 

"You thought so?" Had he? Really? Even after that tournament? "So you really didn't believe it was me?" 

But after that game... "Yeah... it couldn't be you. I'm sorry." He was growing tired of this; he'd pushed it far enough. "I'll never appear in front of you again." And he started to walk back toward the station to go back to the salon for a game with Ogata, like he'd planned. 

"Huh?" He heard Hikaru behind him, but ignored it. "W... Wait! Touya!" He looked back briefly at his name, though more from habit than interest. "Y... you!" Hikaru stood firm before him with his spirit blazing. "If you keep chasing my ghost, the real me is going to catch up with you one day!" 

"You will?"

"Uh..."

"Instead of some day, let's play now." There was no answer from Hikaru, so Akira looked at him for a second to remember the face of a once-worthy adversary, then walked forward again to leave him behind. He took a slower train on the way back and neglected to think about go for a little while, or potential friends, or anything but the blur of color out the window and the smell of the perfume on the woman sitting next to him and the cry from the baby at the other end of the car. And when he got back to the go salon, Ogata had already left. 

* * * * *

Akira barely noticed when he passed the pro test. He'd only lost one game, and that was the one he'd skipped to play sai. 

* * * * *

A few months later, Akira had completely written Hikaru out of his life, except that he still sometimes expected marvelous moves from people his age that he was tutoring. If they managed anything resembling good, it was usually by accident rather than having any idea whatsoever about the actual game. And there were times when he was playing his father that he thought of sai and wondered who would win in a match between them. The thought came to mind during one of his father's study sessions one day as he was thinking that his father was starting to look older, or at least older than Akira could remember ever seeing him before. And after that, when Ogata asked him to come see something the following Sunday, he didn't question as he might normally have. He agreed out of politeness and didn't think much about it until said Sunday came. 

Ogata liked to bring him to pet stores for some reason and Akira figured today was no different. He expected to have to hold some kind of furry rodent while Ogata debated about which kind of fish food to buy, though Akira knew he always got the same kind. Maybe the older man just thought he needed to get out of the house sometimes? But when they pulled up to the Go Institute, Akira figured they were there for a special game or something. Was there a surprise game between two opponents who wouldn't normally be playing? But this was an insei day... And Ogata led him up to the insei floor... He was on his own to find out what was going on, it seemed. 

And for all that he'd written off Hikaru in his mind, it all came flooding back in as he saw Hikaru's face again staring down at a go ban. He'd barely walked into the room when he turned abruptly and walked back out, intending on feeding sawdust to either Ogata's fish or Ogata himself. "You didn't know he was an insei, did you?" The smile on Ogata's face made Akira wonder if he could somehow manage to rip it off. 

"So what? Is that really what you wanted to show me?"

"He's probably chasing you," Ogata said. Akira's fingers twitched. "Ha."

Amano from Weekly Go walked out from the elevator before Akira could say anything more. "Oh, Akira! You're here! This is perfect. Let me interview you!" Akira smiled at Amano babbled a little more and scheduled an interview. Amano noticed Ogata and turned his attention away. Akira took the moment to escape. "Ogata, I'm going upstairs." 

Amano bid his goodbyes. "Okay. I'm leaving." Ogata had lit up a cigarette and was taking a slow drag of it now as Akira looked expectantly at him. "I thought he might operate as a trigger for you." 

"Don't make me laugh. Chasing after me with his pathetic abilities? Then I'll go far away to a place he can never hope to catch me." He turned away to get on the elevator, but turned back for a moment. "I won't let him near me!" His heart was racing from the time he'd started that sentence until Amano starting asking questions about his plans for the pros. 

* * * * *

Akira took his first step as a pro a short while later with his Shodan series game. He played the current Ouza, and nearly won. The biggest thing it determined though was the fact that he was in no way, shape, or form fond of the Ouza. It would perhaps be the title he'd most look forward to taking from someone. It snowed a lot that day, and the walk from the Go Institute to Ogata's waiting car almost made him as numb as the things he was trying not to think about. 

* * * * *

February came, and with it came more cold weather. The Meijin's study group sessions were down to a sort of skeleton crew. But Ogata never missed it, even though Akira knew he currently had several women in his life. On their second meeting in February, Ogata had a few cups of warm sake which seemed to loosen his tongue dramatically. Akira nearly left the room as Ogata discussed the previous night's exploits. He had his fingers on the door, ready to slide it, when Ogata set down his cup with an unsteady hand. "Shindou..." Akira's fingers dropped and he turned. "What?" 

Ogata sloshed a little more sake in his cup. "I saw him the other day. He joined Morishita's study group, but I invited him here. He wouldn't do it... because of you. But, he'll be in the Young Lion's tournament." Ogata took a long sip of the sake. "You'll see him there, won't you?" 

Akira's eyes burned a little as he held them wide open and glaring at Ogata. "If he's there, he certainly won't be a threat." He touched the door again and pulled it wide open. Perhaps his mother needed help with the tea. He closed the door behind him with more force than was necessary. 

* * * * *

At the age of 13, Touya Akira received his pro certificate. He would perhaps always remember Ogata stopping him as he ran forward, finally feeling the excitement of the moment, and welcoming him to the world of the pros. It was a sobering moment - a reminder that he had to leave his youth behind. But if it was for the Hand of God... 

* * * * *

Shortly after his third pro win, Akira stopped by his father's go salon for a game with Ogata after school. He sat down opposite the other man and tried to keep his breathing even as Ogata lit up a cigarette, just one of a long line of bad habits the other man had developed since he'd become a pro. Akira resolved to limit his addictions to go and only go. It seemed a bad sign that the first topic of discussion that Ogata approached with his first move was sai. Then, with a few puffs of smoke trailing up into the air, the conversation segued into Hikaru and the Young Lion's tournament. It seemed a topic that Akira couldn't get far enough from, especially as it was fast approaching and he hadn't figured out how to treat Hikaru there, especially as he now knew for certain that the other boy would be there. 

But then Ogata said something strange with his lips wrapped around the filter of the cigarette... "Sai may have disappeared, but like the Meijin predicted, that boy has appeared." Akira stopped rubbing his thumb along the edge of the go ban. They were in yose now. "My father did?" He learned about his father's meeting with the other boy and wondered first whether that had made Hikaru treat him differently. "He'll be disappointed, too." Akira slapped down a stone to cut off all of Ogata's remaining good moves. Ogata brought up the fact that Akira would play Hikaru at the upcoming tournament if they both won their first games. 

Akira was very happy when Ichikawa came over to let Ogata know that his students were there. It meant, at least, no more thinking about the things he didn't want to think about right now. 

* * * * *

When the day came for the Young Lion's tournament, Akira found himself distracted. He accidentally poured milk into his juice when he went to refill his glass at breakfast and dripped egg yolk all over his shirt when he got distracted by his own thoughts and then had to change quickly before heading out the door while acknowledging his mother's well-wishing. Whether he won or not, it seemed like it would be a long day. 

Hikaru was right by the door when Akira entered. Steeling his reserve, he walked right past and over to the group of pros on the other side of the room. He belonged on this side of the room, not back with the insei who might never see a glimpse of the kind of games he hoped to play one day. But, as luck would have it, when they were assigned their spots, his back was to Hikaru. Throughout his entire game, he could practically feel the other boy's back against his own, and hear the soft catches of his breath as he reacted to complex moves, though Hikaru was several feet away. That was probably the only reason that when he finished off Honda, his first opponent, he stood up and turned around. He wasn't surprised to see Ogata there... the other man had told him he'd be watching, but the board surprised him. There was a move there that he couldn't see... because the game he was watching had Hikaru falling apart, though he wasn't far behind at all. Had he been winning for a while, then? How far had his level come, really? Was Akira still running far ahead, or was Hikaru beginning to catch up little by little? 

The game ended with Hikaru's loss. But that game... the image was imprinted in his mind for the rest of the tournament... enough that he didn't notice right away that he'd won his final game and would take home the prize. 

* * * * *

The next day, Akira went to the go salon to look for Ogata. The other man had left the Institute the previous day before Akira could talk to him. When Ogata wasn't at the go salon, Akira headed immediately to the pet store as it was the one place that Ogata frequented that Akira was old enough to enter. The older man was looking at the fish. He had plenty at home, but Akira figured the fish might calm him or something. The man bought his fish food and gave Akira the run-around as he tried to ask questions about Hikaru's game at the tournament. Hikaru's opponent hadn't been willing to divulge the answer, and he couldn't very well just approach Hikaru to ask him, but there had been only the four of them there. 

Ogata wouldn't tell him about that game, but reminded him of something he hadn't thought to think of - The pro exams were in two months, and Shindou Hikaru would be in the running. If he became a pro, what then? 

Akira resolved to win as many games in a row as he could. 

* * * * *

The pro exams started on the day of the seventh game of the Honinbou League finals. Ogata was battling it out with Kuwabara in another prefecture. And Akira was sitting by the go board in the study room decidedly not thinking about the fact that Hikaru was potentially playing like he had before, and Akira wasn't there to see it. Weeks later, he would find out that Hikaru passed the pro exams preliminaries almost by default, and would be safe for a while from the doubts that came along with having a rival. 

* * * * *

The evening that Akira's father told him they would begin playing without a handicap was the same evening that Ogata called him with the news that Hikaru had passed the pro exam prelims, but only just. 

* * * * *

Akira got a call one evening a few weeks later asking if he could fill in for another pro the next day for a shidougo lesson. It was only for a small session, so it wasn't going to take too long, really. And, the next day, he regretted taking the job. It wasn't as though he needed the money. This was about the go. But that man! This "city councilman" who seemed so sure of his skills, but didn't know the niceties of the game, or even simple manners! If the man was still in office when Akira grew old enough to vote, he'd vote for the other guy with no questions asked. He was also upset with the organizers of the event. Asking him to lose to the councilman on purpose! He wouldn't win... but he wasn't going to lose to a man who put cups down on a go ban! 

An hour or two later, there were four tied games sitting around him and an astonished councilman. Akira was scolded later on, by Ashiwara of all people! But it was worth it to see the looks on their faces. 

* * * * *

Akira waited until a few weeks into the pro exam before checking up on how Hikaru was doing. And Hikaru was doing well. Six games in, he had six wins, and was one of only four people to have such a record. Akira couldn't understand it. How good had the boy gotten who disappointed him so much a little over a year ago? But there was no one who could or would tell him, it seemed. 

The Go Institute called him that evening about giving individual lessons. But how could he do that when Hikaru might be catching up to him? He had to study more! But, the client was an insei... Akira braced himself against the table and agreed to tutor the insei. This was a chance to find out the answer to the question he'd just been asking himself. 

* * * * *

Almost a week later, Akira put on his suit in the evening and went to the house of the insei he was to tutor, Kousuke Ochi. They played a game to start, but Akira wasn't too impressed. It wasn't an easy win, but to call it difficult would be a lie. But this boy hadn't yet lost in the pro exams... He tried to lightly broach the subject of the exam and Hikaru, but got distracted at the news that Hikaru had lost a game that very day! Ochi was apparently hung up on some issue with Hikaru because he reacted very strongly to the idea that Hikaru was even possibly decent. But Hikaru had won nearly a dozen games in a row for the pro exam so far, and had beaten several people already who had been expected to do very well. 

When Ochi asked him to leave, Akira tried to send thoughts to him... of beating Hikaru so surely and soundly as to never have to worry again. But instead, he only said, "I'll be waiting," and took his leave. 

* * * * *

After winning his first match in the first preliminary for the Meijin tournament, Akira checked the pro exam results and was surprised to see that Hikaru had beaten Isumi who had been one of the other undefeated players, but had lost the next day to a player named Fukui who, days later, beat Isumi as well. Had this Fukui person suddenly found a method of winning, or was it only coincidence, or perhaps he had a style that Hikaru and Isumi were both weak against? But Hikaru had two losses now... although that was still a good score, and people had passed with far more. Would he keep it up? Would Ochi call for him again? 

He could only wait and see.

* * * * *

When Akira checked the pro exam website and saw that Ochi had lost to Isumi, he knew to go ahead and prepare himself to go back to Ochi's house. Ochi was the type of boy who did not take to the idea of loss well, let alone the actual event. 

* * * * *

The day after Hikaru's next loss, Akira went to Ochi's house again. They would start training, and it was none too soon. Two days ago, Akira had run into his junior high go instructor at school and had the chance to see recreated a game that he would have loved to have played, only to have it revealed that Hikaru had played the winning hands of said game. This was his ability, and now that he understood that, he showed the game to Ochi to make him understand as well. Ochi was a boy who didn't know who to respect since he had too much belief in his own too little true mastery of the game. 

A few days later, as Hikaru was holding strong at three losses and Ochi at his one, Akira went to Ochi's house again. Ochi was still playing the same way, even though Akira had been doing his all to teach the other boy how to counter Shuusaku's best moves. How could the boy still not understand his concern? But, then again, he didn't know everything about Hikaru that he knew. He started laying down the stones in a pattern that would forever be engraved into his memory. It was almost embarrassing to show this game to someone, but Ochi had to understand his concern; had to know what Hikaru was capable of. 

* * * * *

The night of the second to last game of the pro exams, Touya went to Ochi's house for close to the last time. Ochi had won that day, and so had Hikaru. Hikaru had beaten Waya, who was second only to Ochi in rank for the exam. In play with Ochi, in trying to make him understand, he agreed to let Ochi in to his father's study group if Ochi beat Hikaru. But his heart was already telling him that he wouldn't have to ask such a thing of his father. Ochi wasn't taking this anywhere near serious enough to allow him to beat Hikaru who seemed to have improved during the exam more than he had in the rest of the past year. 

* * * * *

It rained the day of the final game of the pro exam. Ochi lost, and refused to show the game to Akira when he came by after a long day of shidougo. But as Akira took his taxi back to his house, he wasn't wondering about the game that much. If Ochi wouldn't show it, if he had lost at all, then Hikaru was catching up. It didn't feel as bad as Akira had thought. Now... now he'd have the chance to play him again, and see for himself. There was only so much you could see about another player when you weren't the one testing them. 

* * * * *

Only a few days into the new year, and only weeks after losing his first match as a pro, Weekly Go came to interview Akira and his father. Everything was moving along quite nicely, until the Meijin made a request that Akira hadn't expected... to play in the Beginner Dan series, and against Hikaru. He'd known, a bit, that his father was also interested in Hikaru as a player, but this interested? 

* * * * *

At the Beginner Dan game with Hikaru and his father, Akira found himself running late. He got there well before the game actually began, but he liked to be the first into the room. It was less awkward. Now, though, when he stepped into the viewing room, Ogata and Kuwabara were already sitting and smoking near the screen, and Ochi and the other insei who had passed the exam, Waya, were sitting at a board near the back of the room. Akira sat next to Ogata and waited for the game to begin. Everyone here was so interested in Hikaru, but he'd been the first. According to Hikaru, he'd been the very first person to play the boy which, even now, seemed preposterous. 

Watching Hikaru play his father, Akira wanted so badly to be in the Room of Profound Darkness playing instead of his father. But, this game... It was strange. It was too frenetic and wild to be a normal game. What was going on in Hikaru's mind to make him play such a game? 

It ended with Hikaru's loss, and the game looked a total mess, but there was something about it... Kuwabara made the suggestion that Hikaru handicapped himself. It made sense to the game he'd just seen played, but not to anything he knew about the other boy. From the beginning, he'd been cocky... had his personality changed with time as his go had? 

* * * * *

That morning's mail was in his mind throughout that year's awards ceremony. Hikaru was receiving a certificate almost identical to the one he'd received a year ago. And while he was there that day to collect his own awards for longest winning streak and highest winning percentage, the knowledge from that morning... it was all he could think about. Hikaru called out to him, and he started to walk toward him to say hello, or "Welcome to the world of the pros", or anything, but the knowledge that he would finally get to play this boy again, and to be the first again, in a way, made him walk right by. This was the world of the pros. Everything that happened two years ago didn't matter now. All that mattered was their go. 

* * * * *

It was April 4th. His match against Hikaru was in only an hour or so. Akira stood in front of his mirror and tied his tie for the ninth time that day, but he couldn't get his trembling fingers to make anything resembling a decent knot. He already had his first move planned out in his mind if he were black. And if he were white, he had an arsenal of ideas for how to combat the different opening hands which were common in Shuusaku's games. When the phone rang, Akira took it for granted that his mother would answer it, but remembered after the fourth ring that somewhere between attempt three and four with his tie, she's knocked on the door and asked him if he needed anything from the market. Letting his tie fall loose around his neck, Akira picked up the phone. A moment later it dropped from his hands, and his game was all but forgotten. 

* * * * *

It was strange seeing his father in a hospital bed. He'd always thought of his father as being something eternal and so strong. But, to have a heart attack... It made Akira resolve to try to exercise at least a bit more. He knew his father was only thinking of go, and not of his health at all. He wondered how he would feel in the same situation, and then excused himself to take a walk. 

* * * * *

A week and a half later, Akira went to a study group with several other young pros. They talked about recent games, ordered pizza for lunch, and were beginning to just chat for a while when Internet Go was mentioned - specifically, toya koyo. Akira knew his father had been playing 'Net go while in the hospital, and had played against him several times. When someone suggested they look online to see if the Meijin was currently playing, Akira wasn't expecting him since he'd asked for no visitors that day. He probably was just resting and mentally preparing himself for the stress of the next game in the Ten-dan tournament. But there he was. You could take a man away from the go ban, but you couldn't make him forget the stones. 

But he was playing... sai? No. It couldn't be. sai hadn't been online since Akira had played him. It was probably just a fake. But as he took a closer look, he saw the stats for the game. Three hours? It had to be him. And if Akira was right, then his father had either met sai or someone very close to him while in the hospital and had arranged this beforehand. Really, how could be believe his father would ask for no visitors for any reason but something like this? 

Then a thought came to mind that he couldn't suppress. Ichikawa had mentioned to him the other day that Hikaru had stopped by to see his father. This was either conspiracy, or something far too much like coincidence. 

* * * * *

When Akira went to the hospital the next day to visit his father, he was greeted almost immediately with Hikaru running into the elevator he'd just vacated and Ogata running and shouting after him, but not getting there in time. It was about sai. For whatever reason, Hikaru had been talking to the Meijin, and sai had been mentioned. There was still that chance that Hikaru and sai were one and the same. Perhaps split personalities or something? It was the only explanation that Akira had come up with so far that explained things, and didn't sound too crazy. Was Hikaru's personality slowly combining with sai's by learning go? 

* * * * *

Akira was sitting in his bedroom sipping tea and looking through some of his old kifu when he heard his father come home from the final game of the Ten-dan tournament. He set the kifu down and made his way downstairs. "Hello, father." 

"Hello, Akira." His father sat down in seiza gracefully and took a sip of the warm sake his mother had prepared. "I seem to have lost a title on the way home." 

"Ah, then Ogata won." Akira took a seat next to his father and waited for him to begin laying out the stones. "I wanted to mention that I saw your game against sai. I'm not going to ask you anything about it, but I saw it, and it was a good game... but you could have won it." 

Akira watched his father's hands pause in laying out the shape of his last game. "Perhaps. And that's why I'm issuing my resignation tomorrow." 

It was like getting hit with a go ke upside the head, really, to hear that his father was going to give it all up. "But, you hold five titles!" 

"It's only four now. Besides, now I'm sharing the wealth. I've discovered another world of go that I'm eager to venture into." 

"What?" Akira laughed and could hear the nervous tension in it, himself. "The world of 'Net Go?"

His father sipped at his sake again. "No. The go of the world. While online, I played against both Chinese and Korean pros, and some very talented players from Holland and America and so many other places. Japan is home to many great players, but it is not the only place that is. I want to see the go of the world."

"But now..." Akira took a quick breath and steeled his nerve. "Now I won't have the chance to take a title from you." 

The Meijin smiled and began to place the stones. "And no one will have a chance to say that you didn't earn them because I let you have them." 

"Weekly Go will want to interview you tomorrow about this."

"And they will get their interview when I feel like giving it. I'll enjoy it when I don't have to give interviews anymore. I speak better with go than with words." 

Akira put his hand on the edge of the go ban and pushed the stones off to one side and began putting them back into the go ke. "Then play me now and tell me what it is you're not saying." When he saw the brilliant go that his father played and the joy in his eyes as he played, Akira couldn't begrudge his father a future as something other than Japan's premiere go pro.

* * * * *

The reaction to his father's retirement wasn't surprising, although it seemed his father was now playing more go than ever before with all of the pros who visited. There were rumors as far as Nagoya that the retirement had something to do with his father's health, but even he didn't know the real reason. It wasn't really all that important. For whatever reason, his father was no longer a Japanese go pro, but he hadn't given up the game in the slightest, so Akira couldn't really complain. 

* * * * *

The next thing Akira knew, Hikaru stopped coming to his games. Akira wanted to find him, call him out, and find out why, but he didn't feel he was in any position to do so. It might be related to his father, though. If Hikaru was sai, and sai was the reason that his father had retired, then maybe Hikaru was somehow paying penance. But, it really didn't make any sense. 

And, after only a few games, Akira was tired of it. He'd go to Haze Junior High, find Hikaru, and beat some sense into him with a go ke if need be. 

* * * * *

After one of the members of the go club directed him to where Hikaru was in the library, Akira found the boy and pulled out the chair next to where the boy was resting his head against the table. "Shindou..." 

Hikaru nearly jumped into the air as he screamed. "What the-! Touya! Why are you always appearing out of nowhere?! You're bad for the heart. Why are you here?" 

"Shindou..." He was tempted to pat Hikaru on the shoulder, but the situation was too awkward. "Why didn't you come to the Young Lion's tournament?" That had upset him. That would have been a chance for them to finally play! But Hikaru seemed to think that he wasn't good enough. Akira knew differently and told him as much. Then Hikaru's expression hardened. "I'm not going to play anymore." 

Akira stood up from his chair. "Not play anymore? Are you crazy?!" He thought he might have heard someone shouting at them to be quiet. It was a library, after all. Hikaru stayed seated and only said "I'm sorry" and then suddenly bolted. But Akira wasn't about to let him get away. When they made it out onto the grounds of the school, he yelled out, "Why did you become a pro?" There was no answer. "Wasn't it to fight me?" Hikaru only raced ahead even more, not noticing as he shoved people aside to get away. There was no answer, except the one in Akira's mind that saw only the back of the boy he'd made his rival and thought maybe he'd somehow pushed him away. 

But, Akira knew, if Hikaru was meant to be his true rival, he would appear again, and on his own.

* * * * *

Akira spent every game that he played in the Honinbou League preliminaries thinking of it as a way to make Hikaru come after him. Every win was another thing the other boy could see, could know, and could chase. 

He played the final game of the prelims with this very strongly in his mind, and afterward, suddenly believed in the power of the mind. Hikaru showed up in front of him with just a hint of a smile. "Touya, I..." He pursed his lips. "I won't quit go! I'll walk this path forever! I just came here to tell you that." Akira's drifted over the boy in front of him whose features had gotten more defined since the last time they'd really seen each other. His hair had been freshly dyed and there was still a little crust of sleep in one eye. But it was his rival, and he was back. 

"Come after me!" He said it a little louder than he meant to, but the smile that lit up Hikaru's face was reflected only by Akira's. 

* * * * *

Akira watched Hikaru sit alone at the board before his next game, wondering what it was that was going through his mind. Whatever had happened had resolved enough that he was playing again, and for that Akira was grateful. But it was tough anytime you played a game after an absence. If wasn't that you forgot the game. But, your hands forgot the feel of the stones and your heart forgot the feeling of palpitating during an intense few moves. Akira had that feeling after breaking his hand as a child while playing something at recess in school. It had been the last time he tried a sport. Now, he got his exercise by walking everywhere he went, provided it wasn't far enough away to be an inconvenience. 

Today, his opponent was a woman older than his mother, while Hikaru was playing his opponent from the previous year's Young Lion's tournament. He already knew the outcome of the game. Hikaru would win. When Akira won his game, he glanced only briefly at Hikaru before leaving. Against such an opponent, he didn't need to bother watching the game. The win was secured. And, besides, he would play Hikaru soon. The match-ups for the first round of the Meijin tournament had been announced. He'd finally have his chance to play Hikaru again after so long. 

* * * * *

When would all of these pointless games end? He'd played in dan games and tournaments and title prelims, but where was his game with Hikaru? Hikaru, too, was winning every game, but he had to be experiencing the same frustration that Akira was. Hadn't it been long enough that the God of Go would let them finally have their game? 

* * * * *

"Akira." He looked up at his mother. "Yes?" There was the slightest hint of worry hidden in her smile and Akira stood up quickly as he caught glimpse of it. "What's wrong?" 

She led him into the dining room where his father was already sitting. He joined his father, and watched his mother sit down as well. His father had a piece of paper in front of him, but Akira couldn't tell what it was from the distance he was from his father. "I've been offered a job," his father said. 

"That's good. What job?" His mother's worry showed more as her smile dropped some. "A job as a player for the Beijing Team." 

"That's great. Wonderful. When would you start?" 

His father pulled a pen out from his sleeve and wrote something on the paper in front of him. "I just signed the contract, so I'll send it tomorrow to my new boss and go meet the rest of the team soon. I might even find time for a few games." He cleared his throat. "Before I really do this, though, your mother and I want to make sure that you'll be okay when we're gone. Your mother will come with me for most of my games. We've already sent someone ahead to scout out houses in Beijing. You'll have the option of coming with us, of course, but you have your own job." Akira could tell now that they'd come up with this whole speech earlier. "Would you be uncomfortable living here alone?" 

"Of course not, father. I'll miss our games every night, but there's always the Internet. Besides, I refuse to hold back your go. I have my own life now. I'll be fine." 

* * * * *

Finally! When the game card had come in the mail two weeks ago, Akira almost hadn't believed it. He'd finally get to play Hikaru. When he got off the elevator where Ochi had been trying to insinuate that he was far better than Hikaru, he was annoyed. Ochi still didn't understand! And there was Hikaru again, looking taller than Akira remembered, and a little lankier as well. His eyes were bright were excitement. "Touya, we can finally play!" 

"This is our first game since the go club tournament... It's been two years and four months."

"That long, eh?"

"Yeah... It's been a long time." Too long. He let the slightest hint of a smile wash over his face and went to take his seat. Hikaru mentioned Akira's game against Zama, the former Ouza. It hadn't been a very pleasing game, but Akira knew he'd beat the man the next time, and said as much.

Hikaru acknowledged his strength, and planted his hands on his knees as he said, "Today is my turn to show you my strength. I haven't just been playing around these last two years and four months, either." Good. 

With nigiri, Hikaru was black, as he usually seemed to be in their games. And the game finally began.

* * * * *

In this game, he was seeing a lot of things. It was Hikaru, and his strength, and the bits of pieces of him that were so like sai. The game was developing quickly, and when lunch was called, Akira wished they could just keep playing instead of pausing. "Oh yeah, lunch!" Hikaru said after gazing at the board with Akira for a minute. "Touya, you going to lunch?" He waited a moment. "I won't have time later, so I'm going now." 

"...sai," Akira found himself saying. "Playing you reminds me of sai from the Internet." 

"I'm not sai, unfortunately." Akira gripped his knees. "It's you." Hikaru paused. "Touya?" But this was the truth. "It's the other you. There's another you - the one I first met. He is sai. I played him twice in the salon. He is sai." 

"Since I know you best, I understand. Only I understand. There's... another person inside of you." He brought his hand to his mouth. "No... never mind. I'm saying strange things, aren't I?" He shook his head. "No... All you are is the go you play. That won't change. It's enough." 

"For you, yeah. I might tell you someday."

What? So... he was? Damn! Hikaru was walking away. He stood up from seiza and ran after the other boy. "Shindou! What do you mean?!" 

"W-what?"

"So there is a mystery! Tell me!" 

"What? No way! You just said that all I am is the go I play and that's enough!"

"That's true..." Akira tried to reason with himself, but to know the truth! It was a powerful thought to be so close to it. And somehow he ended up following Hikaru into the elevator, and out the front of the Institute, and out to lunch. He wasn't sure when the conversation stopped being about sai, or even about go, but it was pleasant, and almost made going back to the Institute a burden, if it hadn't been for the waiting game. 

He won the game, but only just. And when it was over, he extended the invitation for Hikaru to come play him at his father's go salon as often as he wanted, and even threw in the fact that if Hikaru was playing him, he wouldn't have to pay. 

* * * * *

It was fun playing Hikaru, Akira found. When the stakes weren't high like in tournament and dan games, it was okay to go a little crazy. They would play and then discuss the games in depth. They always seemed to insult each other's moves, but it only made them realize how great the other moves really were. One day, as Hikaru was storming out angry, although they had just finished discussing the game, really, one of the regular customers, Kume, said that Hikaru was no threat to him. How dare he! "I'm only a 3-dan," he told the man. "Don't underestimate him just because he's a beginner dan!" He couldn't let people say such things about his rival. It was like saying things about him. 

* * * * *

Akira had heard the talk about the Japan/China/Korea under-18 tournament, and honestly wasn't surprised when they asked him to be a participant. He was surprised, however, to find out that the other two members were to be selected through a preliminary. He may have the best record, and be a 3-dan, but that didn't mean anything! Then he was told that he had been personally requested to be on the team by the organizers of the tournament. Well, he couldn't really argue with that. 

He could argue with Hikaru, though. The next time he came to the salon for a game, he and Akira ended up fighting so vehemently that they were practically nose to nose. And then Hikaru mentioned fighting him at the Hokuto Cup prelims. It was a nice thought, but it would not happen. He told Hikaru that he'd already been chosen, and Hikaru got upset. But Akira understood. How dare they take away a game they could have played; he felt the same way. 

When some of the other patrons were telling Hikaru that he should have expected Akira to already be in it, he got offended, especially when one patron referred to him as a beginner-dan as though that made him worthless. "The difference between a beginner-dan and someone in the Honinbou League, huh?" Hikaru was standing up. 

"Shindou?" What was going on?

""But it's not a difference in strength! I'll definitely get through the prelims in April. I'm not coming back until then. That's four months. At that time, I will join you as a member of the Japanese team for the Hokuto Cup." He gathered up his things and faced the door. "I'll go step by step, but I won't stop. The one to achieve the Hand of God will be me." 

* * * * *

Akira had started taking Chinese and Korean classes so he could at least observe the formalities with pros from those countries, and perhaps poke fun at his father the next time he saw him. But, the learning... It turned his brain into konnyaku. After every class, he would go to the salon and play a few games of go to get his brain back in order. Hikaru was playing a 7-dan in a few days. That would be good for his spirit and his record. And it would maybe make some of the regulars at the go salon learn that he was not a bad player. They all said they respected him, but they wouldn't listen to his opinion on one player. So Hikaru was brash and had bleached hair and they fought like 4 year-olds! That didn't make him any less talented when it came to go. 

He won against the 7-dan.

* * * * *

Akira played against Ogata in an official match - the Honinbou League was good for letting him play more difficult opponents, if nothing else. Hikaru was playing Morishita at the same time, and Akira wondered briefly how he was handling having to play someone whom he also acknowledged as a master. 

At the end, they both had losses. Akira knew from it that Hikaru had learned that the face people showed the world was not necessarily the one that could be glimpsed across the go ban. Akira had also learned that Ogata viewed him as a serious threat; otherwise he never would have been so utterly repugnant at the end of their match. He claimed to completely outmatch Akira? That was nonsense. If that were the case, he would have won half an hour earlier because yose wouldn't have had to be the deciding factor. 

* * * * *

"I've been thinking about moving out for a while," Akira said to Ichikawa at the go salon a few days later.

"Who is?" She had just brought tea to one of the patrons at a nearby board. 

"I was talking about me." She nearly dropped her tray and forced him to explain.

He'd been thinking about it since because his father broke the news about joining the Beijing League. But, he'd decided against it. If his father was moving to China for most of the year, then there was no sense in abandoning the house when it wouldn't have the things he had problems with; namely the attention to his father.

It wasn't that he disliked Touya Kouyo. That wasn't it at all. But, except in go, he'd never been able to connect with the other man about anything. His father had been trying for years to get him to cut his hair, for example, but Akira had seen pictures... his father had longer hair than his up until he became a 5-dan! 

But now, for a while at least, his father would be in another country and he would feel like he was living alone. He could save up his money even more and afford a nicer place by the time his father was back. 

He didn't need to think about that though. He had a game coming up, and his graduation. He wouldn't be attending, but it was important to remember the day so he wouldn't try to go to school the next day. Every minute he spent not playing go was another minute longer it would take him to beat everyone else to the Hand of God. 

* * * * *

On the day of the Hokuto Cup preliminaries, Akira slept a little late, made himself a rice omelet that was only a little burnt, and read Weekly Go before bothering to get dressed. His parents had left the evening before to visit Beijing because of his father's new job, and he had spent several hours getting used to the house with only the sound of him in it. A little bit after a lunch of roasted eel that his mother had made for him the afternoon before, he headed out to the Go Institute to see about the results. 

On his way in the door, he met up with Kurata. It was then that he found out that Kurata would be their coach for the tournament. He wondered for a moment if they might be better off coaching themselves for all that Kurata was throwing a fit about Korea's coach. 

Walking toward the playing room, Akira could hear that there was a heated discussion going on in one of the other rooms. He ignored it at first, until he heard someone say, "Shindou Hikaru and Kiyohara Yashiro played such an exciting game. That hand just now decided it all. What a pity." Then another voice. "Yeah, I can't believe that such a strong player won't qualify." He raced toward the game room. He had to see the game. Shindou wasn't the one losing, was he? 

But the go ban didn't lie. Hikaru was winning. But what was up with that shape? He rushed into the other room to see if someone would replay the game for him. 

Shortly after Akira entered the room, so did Ochi. Ochi had won and would be representing Japan at the Hokuto Cup. And, of course, so would Hikaru. But as Akira watched the game play out in front of him, he knew that no one would truly be satisfied with the results. 

Yashiro finally resigned and Akira couldn't help but let his disgust show on his face. He wondered a few minutes later if Ochi had seen it, and interpreted it correctly, when he asked for a match against Yashiro to truly determine the winner. It was a long-shot, but Akira knew everyone would end up agreeing to it. After all, this was to beat Korea and China who kept saying that Japan had weak go. 

* * * * *

It was late April and the streets were scattered with the remains of cherry blossoms. Hikaru was coming by the salon, again. He was still infuriating Kitajima, though. Slowly but surely, they were learning to cope with being in the same room. Akira wondered how long it would be before they could actually be civil for an entire hour, then wondered if it would ever happen. 

* * * * *

The night that his parents came back, Akira woke up early in the morning. His mouth was a bit dry as it usually got at night in spring, so he slid out of his futon and walked slowly out of his room. The lights were on in his father's room, still, which shocked him a little. Wasn't his father tired from traveling? Akira peeked into the room where the door wasn't fully closed. At first, it seemed like his father was recreating a game, but then he noticed that the stones of the opposing color were on the far side of the board from his father. Who was he trying to play? A ghost? 

* * * * *

His mother was happy to be heading back to China, it seemed. And his father was reserved as always. They were telling him over dinner that they would be leaving in about a week and wouldn't be back for a while. His mother offered to hire a maid for the place while they were gone, but he declined. As long as he didn't make the place messy, he didn't have to worry too much about cleaning. Besides, he liked the quiet, and he didn't trust a maid not to disturb the place if he left specific kifu out or had a game partially set up on the go ban in the study room. 

* * * * *

His parents had left two days before his next game. At lunchtime, Hikaru approached him. "Touya, it's like this." "Hm?" Akira stood up from seiza and stretched a little. "Yashiro called me." So this was about the Hokuto Cup. "Yashiro did?" 

Hikaru smiled a bit. "I guess he got my number from the Institute."

"What's the matter, then?"

"He was suggesting that we have a few warm-up games before the Hokuto Cup. If you agree to it, as well, he'll come to Tokyo three days before the tournament." 

"Great! Where will we meet?" The chance for more games against Hikaru was a welcome prospect for all the ones over the years that they had already missed out on, and as Yashiro had skill, as well, it wasn't an unwelcome idea. 

Hikaru started heading off while scratching his head. "Haven't decided yet. Yashiro's thinking of staying in a motel. Maybe we can meet him there?" 

"How about my place? There's no need for him to stay in a motel, then."

"Your place?"

Akira smiled. "Yes. My parents are in China until May 3rd. I'll be home alone. We can eat out for meals. I certainly won't mind the company." 

"Then I'll stay at your place, too! That was we can play even more games!" Hikaru's excitement seemed to be overwhelming him. 

"That's true. We shouldn't play others during that week. Let's talk to the Institute and have them clear our schedules for that week." 

"Okay! I'll call Yashiro right now." He headed off at a fast pace.

"Shindou!" He saw the glint of excitement in the other boy's eyes as he turned back to look at him. "Let's do our best... because we are representing Japan. 

This would be his first sleepover ever. The prospect was sort of exciting.

* * * * *

Hikaru was meeting Yashiro at the station, and he'd given the boy a map of how to get to his house. It was around seven that they came to his door. "Finally," he heard Yashiro say. "Finally?" he asked. "This guy got us lost on our way from the train station." 

"You got lost? Didn't I give you a map?" Knowing Hikaru, the other boy had probably lost it.

"Geez, it was just one little wrong turn."

Yashiro rolled his eyes. "More like we nearly ended up in the wrong prefecture. I saw signs for Gifu."

"See? Didn't I tell you if would be better for me to meet you guys at the station?"

"I can find my way with a map!" They were shouting so close to each other's faces that Akira could feel the warmth of Hikaru's breath on his face and felt a brush of his hair against the bridge of his nose. He backed off. "It's easy to lose your way at night. You guys should have come earlier." 

Yashiro set his things down across the room. "Sorry, but I had to finish my classes."

"Oh, that's right. You're going to high school." As the boy talked, he began to wonder what his life would be like if he hadn't found go, or if his parents had discouraged it as well. It wasn't a comfortable idea. 

"And now, all I have to do is win." Yashiro understandably wanted his family to accept his dream, but to use only that as a catalyst? 

"All you have to do is win... is that right? Those words sound pretty, but do you understand the level here? I hope you don't think you'll win just by wanting it." 

"Touya!" Hikaru stomped his foot down on the tatami. "Yashiro, say something. He just dissed you! Aren't you going to say anything about it? You'll let him get away with that?" He pulled back a little, but Akira wasn't sure why. 

Yashiro folded his arms across his chest. "Of course I want to say something, but my go isn't strong enough to let me respond." 

Akira grabbed the time clock from the desk where his father kept his kifu stored. "Come and play." That was the only way to improve, after all. "Before we study Chinese and Korean kifu, let's play as many games as we can before Kurata comes by tomorrow." He set the clock and put it on the edge of the go ban. "It'll be 10-second speed go. The loser switches out with the third person and the winner keeps playing." 

Yashiro smirked. "Speed go is my specialty."

And it suddenly became a fight to see who thought they were the best at speed go. It was fun, Akira thought, to have other people who could enjoy things that you did. Friends, he thought. He had friends now. 

* * * * *

Kurata came by the next afternoon. They had all stayed up to play more go. Throughout the day, they played tournament-style games and discussed their upcoming opponents. Hikaru began asking about who would play in each position. Kurata seemed certain that Akira would be playing first board, and looked affronted when Hikaru looked up from his tea and said, "Can't I be first board? Just against Korea?" He didn't say why, though, and Akira wondered exactly what he had against Ko Yongha.

After dinner, Kurata left and Akira, Yashiro and Hikaru made the decision to go ahead and go to bed. They'd all napped a bit during the day while spread out on the tatami between matches, but the previous night's matches were catching up to them. Akira moved the go ban in the study and helped spread out the futons for his guests then went to his own room where he fell asleep quickly, but not before thinking a bit about the way Hikaru had played that day. He'd lost several times, and it hadn't been from his exhaustion. He knew Kurata had faith in him, but Akira thought he should have more in the other boy, as well. 

* * * * *

They played so much great go the next day. Akira even wrote out the kifu for some of their games. If they could stay at that level, they might do exceptionally well in the tournament. The next morning, Hikaru went home to get his things for the stay in the hotel and Yashiro stayed with Akira. They would meet up later on at the opening ceremony. 

* * * * *

It was several more hours before the ceremony and Akira took the time to put his things away in his room. He'd been in hotels often enough to have learned that the easiest way to relax in them was to treat them as you would your own room. With his clothes hung up in the closet and the bedclothes folded down as he liked them, it felt a little less stuffy already. 

When it came time for the ceremony, Akira slid on his jacket and collected Hikaru and Yashiro from their rooms. Together, they walked into the main hall where the event was being held. Yang Hai, the Chinese coach, was right in front of them. He said a greeting in Madarin and wondered how awful his accent was. Yang Hai complimented him on it and Akira bowed his head and moved on. 

A moment later, Kurata called them over to greet some of the organizers of the tournament. Out of the corner of his eye, Akira could see Hikaru gritting his teeth and glaring at Ko Yongha. He still didn't know why, and it didn't seem like the chance to ask him was coming anytime soon as they were ushered into a line to enter the hall. They received applause walking in, and stood at least relatively still as Kurata took the stage for the drawing. Good, they wouldn't be the team to have to play twice on the first day. It was their first international tournament, after all, and he wanted them all to play their best. 

Kurata gave a quick speech, and Akira wondered once again whether they would have been better off coaching themselves, especially as the other coaches reprimanded him. Then, a player from each team was selected to give a short speech, as well. Kurata had chosen him beforehand and he took the stage with Ko Yongha and Lu Lee. He gave his words first, and then listened to Lu Lee's speech, as well. Ko Yongha paused after he reached the microphone and seemed to be staring at something. Akira glanced in that direction. Hikaru? 

Ko Yongha's words, though... "Even though Shuusaku is held in high regard, let me say without doubt that if he were alive today, I would destroy him." Akira's jaw dropped at the words, and he could see Hikaru's fury from the stage as the words were translated. Hikaru knew about this, somehow. That would explain why he obviously didn't like the Korean pro. Akira wasn't sure what, but he knew that Hikaru had some kind of connection to Shuusaku, or at least thought he did, and he wouldn't stand for the man to be insulted as Ko Yongha had done. 

* * * * *

The meeting after the opening ceremony that was held in Kurata's room did not go particularly well. Hikaru was nearly shaking with rage throughout the entire thing, and was insisting on being first board against Korea so that he could play and destroy Ko Yongha. Kurata was calm now, at least, and was insisting on Akira playing first board since he was the better player. Hikaru was clenching his fists and attempting to keep his calm when Kurata made a statement that riled him up again: he might change his mind if Hikaru played well against China the next day. Hikaru took a deep breath. "Yes!" 

They parted ways for the night and headed back to their respective rooms. The following day would be interesting, to say the least. On a different note, he'd discovered more about Hikaru. Who knew he was a Shuusaku calligraphy expert? 

* * * * *

The match against China would begin shortly. The Japanese players had just entered the room, and Akira tried to calm down Hikaru and Yashiro as they panicked for the cameras. They took their seats and, shortly, play began. 

* * * * *

Akira was the only one to win his match. Yashiro had been leading his for a while, but lost in yose. And Hikaru... Seeing the kifu later on, Akira realized just how far the other boy had come since that junior high school go tournament. That he was able to see those moves... to read that far ahead... even while behind...! It didn't disappoint him when Kurata announced that Hikaru would play first board the following day against Korea. But, he was still a little surprised.

* * * * *

Korea beat China 3-0 later on in the day. Afterward, Hikaru made a beeline to his room. Akira and Yashiro followed en route to their own rooms. By the time Akira reached his door, Hikaru was already changed and coming back out. It had been bugging him for a while... why did Hikaru care so much about Shuusaku? "Shindou..." 

"What?"

"Shindou!"

Hikaru looked up as he put his key into his pocket. "Touya? What is it?"

Touya remembered back to when he'd first started going to lunch with Hikaru, and the reason he'd gone... to find out the secret to the mystery. But, at this very moment, he couldn't bring himself to ask that again. "Hey!" Hikaru waved his hands at him. "No-nothing," he told the other boy. "You're the substitute for me on first board. Don't get scared." 

"I'm not scared!" Hikaru clenched his fists. "I'm not scared at all." Yashiro came out of his room to find out what was going on. 

"Shindou, I don't know what you're hiding in your past," but there's something. "But, since you're taking my place as first board, I won't allow you to embarrass us with your results." He opened his room and stepped inside. When you had something to say, after all, it was important to get in the last word whenever possible. 

* * * * *

The next day, Hikaru came to get him from his room in the morning. He was fully dressed and clutching the fan that he'd begun carrying around only recently with a white-knuckled grip. Kurata stepped ahead of them and handed in the list of their respective boards. Ogata had taught him an English idiom only a few months ago that seemed incredibly appropriate for this moment: the shit was about to hit the fan. 

Ko Yongha was saying something about Hikaru playing first board only a few minutes later as the Korean team entered the room. He confirmed their shock only to seemingly add to it with the fact that he spoke some Korean. Korea's coach shocked him by saying, "I thought so." It seemed more had happened yesterday than even he knew.

"What is Shuusaku to you?" Ko Yongha was asking the question to Hikaru; the same question that Akira had wanted to ask him the evening before. But it was time to take their seats. He hoped that Hikaru wouldn't answer him just then that he might have a chance to be around later if the question was asked again. 

A few minutes later, play began. Hikaru's hands were steady as he chose two stones to nigiri with and won black for himself and Yashiro. Akira took the white stones for himself and waited for his opponent to make the first move. 

* * * * *

They had lost the tournament. Akira had managed a win, but Yashiro had lost by 3.5 moku on the third board against someone Hikaru had beaten as an insei. And Hikaru... he only lost by a half moku. Akira didn't know for certain that he could have done better. As they began to clean up the board, Ko Yongha asked Hikaru again why he played go. And Hikaru answered this time. "I play to link the far past and the far future. That's why I'm here!" Tears streamed down his face as his fingers blindly found his stones and shoveled them back into the go ke. 

Hikaru sat alone at the board, staring blankly at it, after everyone else had left. Akira stood a few feet away and just watched him for a little while, but enough was enough. "Let's go, Shindou. This isn't the end. There is no end." Hikaru nodded and stood up, wiping his nose on his sleeve, but squaring his shoulders and lifting his chin. Akira knew his rival had just grown stronger, and he couldn't wait to play him again to see by just how much. 

* * * * *

The Young Lion's tournament was two weeks later. Akira had been looking forward to it. He would play Hikaru in the second round this year. Both of their first opponents were relatively new insei, and while they were probably good, Akira didn't give them much chance against himself or Hikaru. 

Hikaru was standing on the opposite side of the room when Akira came in. He walked around the other people milling around to get to him. "Good morning," he said to Hikaru and one of the reporters from Weekly Go. Hikaru pointed out his first opponent, but Akira only glanced at the boy before looking back at Hikaru. "Shindou, do you want to go to Serikawa's study session? I believe they're going to study the kifu from the Hokuto Cup." Hikaru smiled. "Sure! When?" Akira felt his own expression respond in kind. "Every Monday." 

The games would begin in just a moment. And later on, he would play Hikaru again.

* * * * *

"Hikaru, are you going back to the apartment?" Akira held onto the door frame as he looked at the other man. Hikaru was putting his shoes on. "Yeah, after I go visit my mother for a little bit. She's been calling me nonstop." Akira laughed. "My mother wants me to come home every night for dinner, still. I think that's the only reason she won't let me have those tea cups." 

Leaning back against the other side of the door, Hikaru grinned. "She only wants you to have her tea, huh?" Akira stood up a little straighter. "Hey, my mother makes good tea." Hikaru laughed and slapped his hand down on Akira's shoulder. "You think I don't know that?" 

They'd been living together since they were eighteen. Akira was finally taking a step away from his childhood, and was enjoying every minute of it. With Hikaru living there, they played almost constantly, and Akira couldn't be happier. 

Hikaru was a 6-dan now, and Akira was a 9-dan. They each held a title. Hikaru was Honinbou, and Akira was Ouza. They played at a level now where their wins and losses were almost even, and it was just a matter of time before they racked up more titles between then. They were currently in contention to be the challenger for the Meijin title, and Akira wasn't sure who would beat the other one there. In the past year, the only person either one of them had lost to had been the other. 

"Are Waya and Isumi coming over tonight or tomorrow night?" They had study sessions in their apartment on Friday and Saturday nights instead of having an active social life, and often had other pros stop by to help demonstrate, and also to keep them from forgetting the thrill of a friendly game since they now played to see who would do which chores. Akira knew he'd have to remind Hikaru later on that it was his night to do dishes. There had been a particularly good shape in that game, and several of the moves each of them had made shone with a brilliance he saw as a glimmer of hope and a sign that the Hand of God was within their reach. 

"They're coming tonight. Remember, they're going to China tomorrow." Hikaru loosened his tie a little. "I'm going to remember to do the dishes, you know." 

"I'm amazed you remembered enough to even say that." 

Pulling the tie all the way off and shoving it in his pocket, Hikaru gave Akira's shin a little kick. "You don't forget what you have to do when it's a game that good." 

"Then why did you forget to take out the trash before we went to the hot springs for Golden week?"

Hikaru pursed his lips. "Because I hadn't gotten any sleep the night before since Yashiro was in town and wanted to play some speed go and then we left before the sun came up." 

"The kitchen stank for a week."

"Thank goodness we don't use it much."

They smiled and Akira aimed a kick at Hikaru's shin. "Go see your mom. I'll see you tonight. Clear this morning's game off the go ban before you do the dishes?" 

"Can do!" Hikaru gave a little salute while rubbing his shin.

Akira suddenly remembered being a child and asking his parents for a brother. Now, he was glad they hadn't fulfilled that childish wish. A rival was infinitely better. 

The Hand of God was somewhere. They were so close. But, they had years ahead of them to try for it. He didn't know what a future would be like after achieving such a thing, but if he had Hikaru there, he was certain they would find something to do.


End file.
